you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
