i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Randomize
