I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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