I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Randomize
