she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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