I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
