Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Mom said you looked used
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
