So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
