all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I wear drunk well.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
