I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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