I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
