I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
