dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Barsexuality is the new black.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
