Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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