I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
