hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
