I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
