Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Just high enough for therapy.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
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