I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
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