he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
