Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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