sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
