ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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