We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
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