I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
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