apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Randomize
