stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
