i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
