once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize
