So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
