I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
