Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Randomize
