All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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