His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
