There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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