you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
