I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
