he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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