I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
