I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
