They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
