Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
high people should be assigned attendants
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
