Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
