If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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