we have officially lost it.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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