I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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