We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
