So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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