i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
