They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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