Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
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