i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
