I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
